The Phrases shared by A Father That Rescued Us as a Brand-New Dad

"I believe I was simply just surviving for the first year."

Former Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey expected to cope with the difficulties of being a father.

But the reality rapidly became "utterly different" to what he'd imagined.

Life-threatening health issues during the birth caused his partner Louise admitted to hospital. All of a sudden he was forced into becoming her primary caregiver while also looking after their infant son Leo.

"I took on all the nights, every change… every stroll. The duty of both parents," Ryan stated.

After nearly a year he burnt out. That was when a talk with his own dad, on a park bench, that helped him see he needed help.

The simple phrases "You aren't in a healthy space. You need assistance. What can I do to assist you?" created an opening for Ryan to express himself truthfully, look for assistance and regain his footing.

His situation is not uncommon, but rarely discussed. While the public is now better used to addressing the stress on mums and about PND, less is said about the struggles new fathers face.

'It's not weak to seek assistance

Ryan feels his challenges are part of a broader reluctance to communicate among men, who continue to hold onto harmful notions of manhood.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the rock that just gets hit and remains standing time and again."

"It isn't a show of failure to seek help. I was too slow to do that fast enough," he clarifies.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist who studies mental health pre and post childbirth, notes men frequently refuse to admit they're struggling.

They can believe they are "not the right person to be seeking help" - particularly ahead of a new mother and infant - but she highlights their mental well-being is vitally important to the unit.

Ryan's conversation with his dad provided him with the chance to request a pause - going on a short trip abroad, away from the domestic setting, to see things clearly.

He realised he had to make a adjustment to pay attention to his and his partner's feelings in addition to the day-to-day duties of caring for a infant.

When he shared with Louise, he discovered he'd overlooked "what she was yearning" -physical connection and paying attention to her words.

Self-parenting

That realisation has changed how Ryan sees being a dad.

He's now writing Leo weekly letters about his experiences as a dad, which he hopes his son will look at as he gets older.

Ryan thinks these will assist his son better understand the language of emotion and understand his approach to fatherhood.

The concept of "parenting yourself" is something musician Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since having his son Slimane, who is now four.

As a child Stephen lacked consistent male guidance. Even with having an "incredible" connection with his dad, deep-held difficult experiences caused his father found it hard to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, complicating their bond.

Stephen says bottling up emotions resulted in him make "terrible actions" when he was younger to alter how he felt, finding solace in alcohol and substances as a way out from the pain.

"You turn to behaviours that aren't helpful," he says. "They may short-term modify how you feel, but they will eventually make things worse."

Advice for Getting By as a New Dad

• Open up to someone - if you feel swamped, tell a trusted person, your partner or a professional how you're feeling. Doing so may to reduce the stress and make you feel less isolated.
• Remember your hobbies - continue with the things that made you feel like yourself before the baby arrived. This might be exercising, meeting up with mates or gaming.
• Don't ignore the physical stuff - nutritious food, staying active and if you can, sleep, all play a role in how your mental state is coping.
• Spend time with other parents in the same boat - listening to their stories, the challenges, along with the joys, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Understand that requesting help isn't failing - looking after you is the optimal method you can look after your loved ones.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen expectedly struggled to accept the death, having had no contact with him for many years.

As a dad now, Stephen's determined not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his own son and instead give the security and emotional guidance he missed out on.

When his son threatens to have a meltdown, for example, they try "releasing the emotion" together - expressing the emotions safely.

Each of Ryan and Stephen state they have become more balanced, healthier men since they acknowledged their issues, changed how they communicate, and learned to manage themselves for their kids.

"I have improved at… sitting with things and dealing with things," explains Stephen.

"I expressed that in a message to Leo last week," Ryan says. "I expressed, at times I feel like my purpose is to instruct and tell you on life, but in reality, it's a two-way conversation. I'm learning an equal amount as you are on this path."